Personality disorders
Definition
Whether you're sociable, reserved, funny or forthright, everyone who knows you would likely list the same traits when describing your personality. These characteristics are the combined product of your heredity and early life experience, and they are fixed by the time you reach adulthood.
People with personality disorders have traits that cause them to feel and behave in socially distressing ways, which often limit their ability to function in relationships and at work. Depending on the disorder, their personalities are generally described in more-negative terms: dramatic, clingy, antisocial or obsessive. As many as 15 percent of U.S. adults have one or more personality disorders.
Among the 10 conditions that are considered personality disorders, some have very little in common. Doctors typically group the personality disorders that have shared characteristics into one of three clusters:
§ Cluster A includes personality disorders marked by odd, eccentric behavior, including paranoid, schizoid and schizotypal personality disorders.
§ Cluster B personality disorders are those defined by dramatic, emotional behavior, including histrionic, narcissistic, antisocial and borderline personality disorders.
§ Cluster C personality disorders are characterized by anxious, fearful behavior and include obsessive-compulsive, avoidant and dependent personality disorders.
There's no cure for these conditions, but therapy and medication can help. The symptoms of some personality disorders also may improve with age.
Symptoms
People with personality disorders commonly experience conflict and instability in many aspects of their lives, and most believe others are responsible for their problems.
Signs and symptoms of cluster A (odd, eccentric) personality disorders may include:
Paranoid personality disorder
§ Belief that others are lying, cheating, exploiting or trying to harm you
§ Perception of hidden, malicious meaning in benign comments
§ Inability to work collaboratively with others
§ Emotional detachment
§ Hostility toward others
Schizoid personality disorder
§ Fantasizing
§ Extreme introversion
§ Emotional distance, even from family members
§ Fixation on your own thoughts and feelings
§ Emotional detachment
Schizotypal personality disorder
§ Indifference to and withdrawal from others
§ "Magical thinking" — the idea that you can influence people and events with your thoughts
§ Odd, elaborate style of dressing, speaking and interacting with others
§ Belief that messages are hidden for you in public speeches and displays
§ Suspicious or paranoid ideas
Signs and symptoms of cluster B (dramatic, emotional) personality disorders may include:
Histrionic personality disorder
§ Excessive sensitivity to others' approval
§ Attention-grabbing, often sexually provocative clothing and behavior
§ Excessive concern with your physical appearance
§ False sense of intimacy with others
§ Constant, sudden emotional shifts
Narcissistic personality disorder
§ Inflated sense of — and preoccupation with — your importance, achievements and talents
§ Constant attention-grabbing and admiration-seeking behavior
§ Inability to empathize with others
§ Excessive anger or shame in response to criticism
§ Manipulation of others to further your own desires
Antisocial (formerly, sociopathic) personality disorder
§ Chronic irresponsibility and unreliability
§ Lack of regard for the law and for others' rights
§ Persistent lying and stealing
§ Aggressive, often violent behavior
§ Lack of remorse for hurting others
§ Lack of concern for the safety of yourself and others
Borderline personality disorder
§ Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
§ Frequent, dramatic changes in mood, opinions and plans
§ Stormy relationships involving frequent, intense anger and possibly physical fights
§ Fear of being alone despite a tendency to push people away
§ Feeling of emptiness inside
§ Suicide attempts or self-mutilation
Signs and symptoms of cluster C (anxious, fearful) personality disorders may include:
Avoidant personality disorder
§ Hypersensitivity to criticism or rejection
§ Self-imposed social isolation
§ Extreme shyness in social situations, though you strongly desire close relationships
Dependent personality disorder
§ Excessive dependence on others to meet your physical and emotional needs
§ Tolerance of poor, even abusive treatment in order to stay in relationships
§ Unwillingness to independently voice opinions, make decisions or initiate activities
§ Intense fear of being alone
§ Urgent need to start a new relationship when one has ended
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
§ Excessive concern with order, rules, schedules and lists
§ Perfectionism, often so pronounced that you can't complete tasks because your standards are impossible to meet
§ Inability to throw out even broken, worthless objects
§ Inability to share responsibility with others
§ Inflexibility about the "right" ethics, ideas and methods
§ Compulsive devotion to work at the expense of recreation and relationships
§ Financial stinginess
§ Discomfort with emotions and aspects of personal relationships that you can't control
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is not the same as obsessive-compulsive disorder, an anxiety disorder that shares some symptoms but is more extreme and disabling.
Causes
A combination of personal history and biology appears to play a role in most personality disorders. Genetics play a significant — but not necessarily singular — role in the development of schizotypal, schizoid and paranoid personality disorders, which all are more common in families with a history of schizophrenia. Heredity also contributes to the development of obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
A family history of antisocial personality disorder increases your risk of developing the condition, but childhood trauma also has considerable influence. Children with an alcoholic parent, or who have an abusive or chaotic home life, are at increased risk of developing antisocial personality disorder.
Sexual abuse is a common risk factor for borderline personality disorder. People with borderline personality disorder who report sexual abuse at a younger age — younger than 13 years old — are also more likely to have post-traumatic stress disorder. Heredity and childhood head injuries also may influence the development of this disorder.
The causes of narcissistic, histrionic, avoidant and dependent personality disorders have been minimally studied and aren't yet well understood.
Risk factors
More women than men develop borderline personality disorder. But men are much more likely than women to have antisocial personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder.
Other risk factors for personality disorders include:
§ A history of childhood verbal, physical or sexual abuse
§ A family history of schizophrenia
§ A family history of personality disorders
§ A childhood head injury
§ An unstable family life
When to seek medical advice
People with personality disorders don't often realize that they need medical treatment. They're most likely to receive a diagnosis when they see a doctor for symptoms related to their disorder, such as depression and substance abuse, or when family and friends ask them to get help.
If someone you care about consistently behaves in a socially inappropriate way — for example, displaying excessive emotion, self-involvement, detachment or dependency, or harming others without showing remorse — consider suggesting that the person see a doctor to discuss how to deal with his or her emotions.
Tests and diagnosis
There are no specific tests for personality disorders. Your doctor will ask you questions about your symptoms, personal history and emotional well-being, and may talk to friends and relatives about your behavior. A mental health professional will probably help make the diagnosis, and he or she will also evaluate whether you have other mental health or substance abuse problems.
Doctors regard the diagnosis of most personality disorders in adolescents as premature. That's because what appear to be signs or symptoms of personality disorders often disappear as adolescents grow older. However, signs and symptoms of antisocial personality disorder become evident before age 15.
Complications
People with personality disorders are at significantly increased risk of:
§ Social isolation. An inability to forge and maintain healthy relationships, lack of desire for closeness, or extreme shyness may cause those with personality disorders to be socially disconnected.
§ Suicide. The risk of self-inflicted injury and suicide is highest among people with cluster B personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder.
§ Substance abuse. Those with cluster B personality disorders are at especially increased risk of alcohol and drug addiction.
§ Depression, anxiety and eating disorders. People with all types of personality disorders are at increased risk of developing other psychiatric problems.
§ Self-destructive behavior. People with borderline personality disorder are particularly at risk of engaging in dangerous behaviors, such as risky sex and gambling. Those with dependent personality disorder — who may tolerate mistreatment in order to stay in a relationship — are at increased risk of physical, emotional and sexual abuse.
§ Violence and homicide. Aggressive behavior is a significant risk among those with paranoid and antisocial personality disorders.
§ Incarceration. People with antisocial personality disorder are at increased risk of committing serious crimes. The condition is common among prisoners.
The intensity of the symptoms of personality disorders may change over time. The symptoms of cluster A and cluster B personality disorders may become less severe later in life. Those with cluster C personality disorders often experience worsening symptoms as they age.
§ learn healthier ways of reacting to people and problems. Individual, group and family therapy can all be helpful.
§ Cognitive behavior therapy. This form of psychological treatment involves actively retraining the way you think about problems, which in turn improves your emotions and behaviors.
§ Dialectical behavior therapy. This type of cognitive behavior therapy focuses on coping skills — learning how to take better control of behaviors and emotions with techniques such as mindfulness, which helps you observe your feelings without reacting. It is most often used to treat borderline personality disorder. Doctors are studying the effectiveness of this type of therapy with all types of personality disorders.
MedicationsPeople with personality disorders often experience serious mental and emotional strain, causing additional mental health problems, such as depression, phobia and panic. Medications may help alleviate these related conditions, but they can't cure the underlying disorder. Therapy aimed at building new coping mechanisms must be the cornerstone of treatment.
Medications that may offer support during therapy include:
§ Antidepressants. Doctors commonly prescribe selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as fluoxetine (Prozac, Sarafem), sertraline (Zoloft), citalopram (Celexa), paroxetine (Paxil), nefazodone, and escitalopram (Lexapro), or the related antidepressant venlafaxine (Effexor) to help relieve depression and anxiety in people with personality disorders. Less often, monoamine oxidase inhibitors such as phenelzine (Nardil) and tranylcypromine (Parnate) may be used.
§ Anticonvulsants. These medications may help suppress impulsive and aggressive behavior. Your doctor may prescribe carbamazepine (Carbatrol, Tegretol) or valproic acid (Depakote). Your doctor may also prescribe topiramate (Topamax), an anticonvulsant that's being studied as an aid in managing impulse-control problems.
§ Antipsychotics. People with borderline and schizotypal personality disorders are at risk of losing touch with reality. Antipsychotic medications such as risperidone (Risperdal) and olanzapine (Zyprexa) can help improve distorted thinking. For severe behavior problems, doctors may prescribe haloperidol (Haldol).
§ Other medications. Doctors sometimes prescribe anti-anxiety medications such as alprazolam (Xanax) and clonazepam (Klonopin) and mood stabilizers such as lithium (Eskalith, Lithobid) to relieve symptoms associated with personality disorders
Coping and support
Living with someone who has a personality disorder can be very difficult. Remember that people with personality disorders are rarely aware that they have a problem. If you can gently help your loved one recognize that he or she needs help, improvement is possible.
Treatment progress can be bumpy, slow and painful. Try to be patient, and try not to take personally the mistreatment you may receive from your loved one. It's important to be supportive, but not at the expense of your own well-being. Nurture friendships and outside activities, and put self-care first.
§ Borderline personality disorder
§ Narcissistic personality disorder
§ Social anxiety disorder (social phobia)
§ Domestic violence toward women: Recognize the patterns and seek help
§ Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
RELATED
§ Borderline personality disorder
§ Narcissistic personality disorder
§ Antisocial personality disorder
§ Definition
§ Symptoms
§ Causes
§ Risk factors
§ When to seek medical advice
§ Tests and diagnosis
§ Complications
§ Treatments and drugs
§ Coping and support
Borderline personality disorder
ARTICLE SECTIONS
§ Definition
§ Symptoms
§ Causes
§ Risk factors
§ When to seek medical advice
§ Tests and diagnosis
§ Complications
§ Treatments and drugs
§ Lifestyle and home remedies
Definition
Borderline personality disorder can be a distressing medical condition, both for the people who have it and for those around them. When you have borderline personality disorder (BPD), you have difficulty controlling your emotions and are often in a state of upheaval — perhaps as a result of harmful childhood experiences or brain dysfunction.
With borderline personality disorder your image of yourself is distorted, making you feel worthless and fundamentally flawed. Your anger, impulsivity and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you yearn for loving relationships.
Increasing awareness and research are helping improve the treatment and understanding of borderline personality disorder. Emerging evidence indicates that people with borderline personality disorder often get better over time and that they can live happy, peaceful lives.
Symptoms
Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.
When you have BPD, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. That is, your self-image or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals, values and gender identity.
Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You often experience a love-hate relationship with others. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with the disorder have difficulty accepting gray areas — things are either black or white. For instance, in the eyes of a person with BPD, someone is either good or evil. And that same person may seem good one day and evil the next.
Other signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder may include:
§ Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or taking illicit drugs
§ Strong emotions that wax and wane frequently
§ Intense but short episodes of anxiety or depression
§ Inappropriate anger, sometimes escalating into physical confrontations
§ Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
§ Suicidal behavior
§ Fear of being alone
Causes
Although definitive data are lacking, it's estimated that 1 percent to 3 percent of American adults have borderline personality disorder. As with other mental disorders, the causes of borderline personality disorder are complex. The name arose because of theories in the 1940s and 1950s that the disorder was on the border between neurosis and psychosis. But that view doesn't reflect current thinking. In fact, some advocacy groups have pressed for changing the name, such as calling it emotional regulation disorder.
Meanwhile, the cause of borderline personality disorder remains under investigation, and there's no known way to prevent it. Possible causes include:
§ Genetics. Some studies of twins and families suggest that personality disorders may be inherited.
§ Environmental factors. Many people with borderline personality disorder have a history of childhood abuse, neglect and separation from caregivers or loved ones.
§ Brain abnormalities. Some research has shown changes in certain areas of the brain involved in emotion regulation, impulsivity and aggression. In addition, certain brain chemicals that help regulate mood, such as serotonin, may not function properly.
Most likely, a combination of these issues results in borderline personality disorder.
Risk factors
Personality forms during childhood. It's shaped by both inherited tendencies and environmental factors, or your experiences during childhood. Some factors related to personality development can increase your risk of developing borderline personality disorder. These include:
§ Hereditary predisposition. You may be at a higher risk if a close family member — a mother, father or sibling — has the disorder.
§ Childhood abuse. Many people with the disorder report being sexually or physically abused during childhood.
§ Neglect. Some people with the disorder describe severe deprivation, neglect and abandonment during childhood.
Also, borderline personality disorder is more common in women than in men.
When to seek medical advice
People with borderline personality disorder often feel misunderstood, alone, empty and hopeless. They're typically full of self-hate and self-loathing. They may be fully aware that their behavior is destructive and be distressed about it. Impulsivity may cause problems with gambling, driving or even the law. They may find that many areas of their lives are affected, including social relationships, work or school.
If you notice these things about yourself, talk to your doctor or a mental health provider. The right treatment can help you feel better about yourself and help you live a more stable, rewarding life.
If you notice these things in a family member or friend, talk to him or her about seeing a doctor or mental health provider. But keep in mind that you can't force someone to seek help. If the relationship has you unduly distressed, you may find it helpful to see a therapist yourself.
Tests and diagnosis
Personality disorders are diagnosed based on signs and symptoms and a thorough psychological evaluation. To be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, you must meet criteria spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). This manual is published and updated by the American Psychiatric Association and is used by mental health professionals to diagnose mental conditions and by insurance companies to reimburse for treatment.
For borderline personality disorder to be diagnosed, at least five of the following signs and symptoms must be present:
§ Intense fears of abandonment
§ A pattern of unstable relationships
§ Unstable self-image
§ Impulsive and self-destructive behaviors
§ Suicidal behavior or self-injury
§ Wide mood swings
§ Chronic feelings of emptiness
§ Inappropriate anger
§ Periods of paranoia and loss of contact with reality
A diagnosis of BPD is usually made in adults, not children or adolescents. That's because what appear to be signs and symptoms of BPD may go away with maturity.
Complications
Borderline personality disorder can damage many areas of your life. Interpersonal relationships, jobs, school, social activities and self-image all can be negatively affected. Repeated job losses and broken marriages are common. Self-injury, such as cutting or burning, can result in scarring and frequent hospitalizations. Suicide rates among people with BPD are very high, reaching 10 percent to 15 percent.
In addition, you may have other mental health problems, including:
§ Depression
§ Substance abuse
§ Anxiety disorders
§ Eating disorders
§ Bipolar disorder
§ Other personality disorders
Because of risky, impulsive behavior, you are also more vulnerable to unplanned pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, motor vehicle accidents and physical fights. You may also be involved in abusive relationships, either as the abuser or the abused.
Treatments and drugs
Treatment for borderline personality disorder has improved in recent years with the adoption of techniques specifically aimed at people with this disorder. Treatment may include psychotherapy, medications or hospitalization.
PsychotherapyPsychotherapy is the core treatment for BPD. The two primary psychotherapy treatments for BPD are:
§ Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). DBT was designed specifically to treat the disorder. Generally conducted through individual, group and phone counseling, DBT uses a skills-based approach to teach you how to regulate your emotions, tolerate distress and improve relationships.
§ Transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP). TFP centers on the relationship between you and your therapist - helping you understand the emotions and difficulties inevitably arising in the relationship. You can then use what you have learned in other relationships.
MedicationsMedications can't cure BPD, but they can help associated problems, such as depression, impulsivity and anxiety. Medications may include antidepressant, antipsychotic and anti-anxiety medications.
HospitalizationAt times, you may need more intense treatment in a psychiatric hospital or clinic. Hospitalization can also keep you safe from self-injury.
Because treatment can be intense and long term, you face the best chance for success when you consult mental health providers with experience treating BPD.
Lifestyle and home remedies
Living with borderline personality disorder can be difficult. You may realize your behaviors and thoughts are self-destructive or damaging yet feel unable to control them. Treatment can help you learn skills to manage and cope with your condition.
Other things you can do to help manage your condition and feel better about yourself include:
§ Sticking to your treatment plan
§ Attending all therapy sessions
§ Practicing healthy ways to ease painful emotions, rather than inflicting self-injury
§ Not blaming yourself for having the disorder but recognizing your responsibility to get it treated
§ Learning what things may trigger angry outbursts or impulsive behavior
§ Not being embarrassed by the condition
§ Getting treatment for related problems, such as substance abuse
§ Educating yourself about the disorder so that you understand its causes and treatments
§ Reaching out to others with the disorder to share insights and experiences
Remember, there's no one right path to recovery from BPD. The condition seems to be worse in young adulthood and may gradually get better with age. Many people with the disorder find greater stability in their lives during their 30s and 40s. As your inner misery decreases, you can go on to sustain loving relationships and enjoy meaningful careers.
Bipolar disorder
ARTICLE SECTIONS
§ Definition
§ Symptoms
§ Causes
§ Risk factors
§ When to seek medical advice
§ Tests and diagnosis
§ Complications
§ Treatments and drugs
§ Prevention
§ Lifestyle and home remedies
§ Coping and support
§ Alternative medicine
Definition
From high to low. From mania to depression. From recklessness to listlessness. These are the extremes associated with bipolar disorder, a mental illness characterized by mood instability that can be serious and disabling. Bipolar disorder is also known as manic-depression or manic-depressive illness — manic behavior is one extreme of this disorder, and depression is the other.
The deep mood swings of bipolar disorder may last for weeks or months, causing great disturbances in the lives of those affected, and those of family and friends, too. Today, a growing volume of research suggests that bipolar disorder occurs across a spectrum of symptoms, and that many people aren't correctly diagnosed. Left untreated, bipolar disorder generally worsens, and the suicide rate is high among those with bipolar disorder. But with effective treatment, you can live an enjoyable and productive life despite bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder
ARTICLE SECTIONS
§ Definition
§ Symptoms
§ Causes
§ Risk factors
§ When to seek medical advice
§ Tests and diagnosis
§ Complications
§ Treatments and drugs
§ Prevention
§ Lifestyle and home remedies
§ Coping and support
§ Alternative medicine
Symptoms
Bipolar disorder symptoms are characterized by an alternating pattern of emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression). The intensity of signs and symptoms can vary from mild to severe. There may even be periods when your life doesn't seem affected at all.
Bipolar disorder symptoms reflect a range of moods.
Manic phase of bipolar disorderSigns and symptoms of the manic phase of bipolar disorder may include:
§ Euphoria
§ Extreme optimism
§ Inflated self-esteem
§ Poor judgment
§ Rapid speech
§ Racing thoughts
§ Aggressive behavior
§ Agitation
§ Increased physical activity
§ Risky behavior
§ Spending sprees
§ Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
§ Increased sexual drive
§ Decreased need for sleep
§ Tendency to be easily distracted
§ Inability to concentrate
§ Drug abuse
Depressive phase of bipolar disorderSigns and symptoms of the depressive phase of bipolar disorder may include:
§ Sadness
§ Hopelessness
§ Suicidal thoughts or behavior
§ Anxiety
§ Guilt
§ Sleep problems
§ Appetite problems
§ Fatigue
§ Loss of interest in daily activities
§ Problems concentrating
§ Irritability
§ Chronic pain without a known cause
Types of bipolar disorderBipolar disorder is divided into two main subtypes:
§ Bipolar I disorder. You've had at least one manic episode, with or without previous episodes of depression.
§ Bipolar II disorder. You've had at least one episode of depression and at least one hypomanic episode. A hypomanic episode is similar to a manic episode but much briefer, lasting only a few days, and not as severe. With hypomania, you may have an elevated mood, irritability and some changes in your functioning, but generally you can carry on with your normal daily routine and functioning, and you don't require hospitalization. In bipolar II disorder, the periods of depression are typically much longer than the periods of hypomania.
§ Cyclothymia. Cyclothymia is a mild form of bipolar disorder. Cyclothymia includes mood swings but the highs and lows are not as severe as those of full-blown bipolar disorder.
Other bipolar disorder symptomsIn addition, some people with bipolar disorder have rapid cycling bipolar disorder. This is the occurrence of four or more mood swings within 12 months. These moods shifts can occur rapidly, sometimes within just hours. In mixed state bipolar disorder, symptoms of both mania and depression occur at the same time.
Severe episodes of either mania or depression may result in psychosis, or a detachment from reality. Symptoms of psychosis may include hearing or seeing things that aren't there (hallucinations) and false but strongly held beliefs (delusions).
Causes
It's not known what causes bipolar disorder. But a variety of biochemical, genetic and environmental factors seem to be involved in causing and triggering bipolar episodes:
§ Biochemical. Some evidence from high-tech imaging studies indicates that people with bipolar disorder have physical changes in their brains. The significance of these changes is still uncertain but may eventually help pinpoint causes. The naturally occurring brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, which are tied to mood, also may play a role. Hormonal imbalances also are thought to be a culprit.
§ Genes. Some studies show that bipolar disorder is more common in people whose biological family members also have the condition. Researchers are trying to find genes that may be involved in causing bipolar disorder. Some studies also show links between bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, pointing to a shared genetic cause.
§ Environment. Environment also is thought to play a causal role in some way. Some studies of identical twins show that one twin has the condition while the other doesn't — which means genes alone aren't responsible for bipolar disorder. Environmental causes may include problems with self-esteem, significant loss or high stress.
Risk factors
It's estimated that about 1 percent of the population has bipolar disorder. However, some researchers suggest that bipolar disorder occurs on a continuum, and that many more people may have other forms of the disorder, pushing its prevalence as high as 6 percent of the population. In addition, some people may go undiagnosed because they don't seek treatment, because their condition is mistaken for depression or because their symptoms don't meet current diagnostic criteria.
Bipolar I disorder affects about the same number of men and women, but bipolar II, the rapid cycling form, is more common in women. In either case, bipolar disorder usually starts between ages 15 and 30.
Factors that may increase the risk of developing bipolar disorder include:
§ Having other biological family members with bipolar disorder
§ Periods of high stress
§ Drug abuse
§ Major life changes, such as the death of a loved one
When to seek medical advice
If you have any symptoms of bipolar disorder, seek medical help as soon as possible. Bipolar disorder doesn't get better on its own. Yet many people with the disorder don't get treatment or are reluctant to get treatment. Despite the mood extremes, people with bipolar disorder often don't recognize how greatly it affects their lives — and the lives of their loved ones. And if you're like some people with bipolar disorder, you may enjoy the feelings of euphoria and cycles of being more productive — but they're bound to be followed by emotional crashes that can leave you depressed, worn out, and perhaps in financial or legal trouble.
Getting treatment from a mental health provider with experience in bipolar disorder can help you learn ways to manage your symptoms. If you're reluctant to seek treatment, try to work up the courage to confide in someone, whether it's a friend or loved one, a health care professional, a faith leader or someone else you trust. They can help you take the first steps to successful treatment.
When you have suicidal thoughtsSuicidal thoughts and behavior are common among people with bipolar disorder. Tragically, the suicide rate is higher in bipolar disorder than most other mental illnesses. If you're considering suicide right now and have the means available, talk to someone now. The best choice is to call 911 or your local emergency services number. If you simply don't want to do that, for whatever reason, you have other choices for reaching out to someone:
§ Contact a family member or friend
§ Contact a doctor, mental health provider or other health care professional
§ Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone in your faith community
§ Go to your local hospital emergency room
§ Call a crisis center or hot line
Helping a loved one with bipolar disorder symptomsIf you have a loved one you think may have symptoms of bipolar disorder, have an open and honest discussion about your concerns. You may not be able to force someone to seek professional help, but you can offer encouragement and support and help your loved one find a qualified doctor or mental health provider. If you have a loved one who has harmed himself or herself, or is seriously considering doing so, take them to the hospital or call for emergency help.
Self-esteem check: Too low, too high or just right?
Self-esteem is shaped by your relationships, your experiences and your thoughts. Healthy self-esteem promotes mental well-being, assertiveness, resilience and more.
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about and value yourself. Self-esteem involves judging your worth as a person. People with healthy self-esteem feel good about themselves and see themselves as worthwhile. People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, put little value on their opinions and ideas and constantly think that they aren't "good enough."
Self-esteem has been the subject of social research and theory for decades. In recent years, there's been a concerted effort to boost the self-esteem of schoolchildren through special programs, with proponents believing it would lead to happier kids, better grades and less school bullying. Critics of these efforts contend that pumping up self-esteem, especially in people who may not need a boost, does little more than inflate egos and feed the "me generation" mentality.
That said, there are plenty of adults who truly feel down on themselves and have poor self-esteem. Learn why you may have developed a poor self-image, the difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism, how you can tell if your self-esteem needs a boost, and the benefits of healthy self-esteem.
Factors that shape and influence self-esteem
Self-esteem starts forming early in life. Factors that can influence self-esteem include:
§ Your own thoughts and perceptions
§ Other people
§ School experiences
§ Sports experiences
§ Work experiences
§ Illness, disability or injury
§ Culture
§ Religion
§ Role and status in society
Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important adults — are especially powerful. Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages you've received from such people over time. If your close relationships are good and you receive generally positive feedback, you're more likely to see yourself as worthwhile. However, if you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased, ridiculed or devalued by others, you're more likely to think that you're not good enough and to struggle with poor self-esteem.
But your own thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem. Thoughts include "self-talk" — what you tell yourself — your perceptions of situations, and your beliefs about yourself, other people and events. For example, how you measure success and failure in life affects your sense of self-worth. A series of perceived successes can lead to feelings of positive self-worth and high self-esteem. A series of perceived failures can make you feel inferior and reduce your self-esteem.
A wide range of self-esteem
Self-worth ranges from very positive to very negative. Neither extreme is healthy.
§ Overly high self-esteem. People with unrealistically positive views of themselves feel they are better or worth more than others. They may become prideful and arrogant. They may become self-indulgent and believe they deserve special privileges or whatever they want. And they often regard themselves much more highly than do others. Critics of self-esteem-raising efforts have raised concerns that this is precisely the self-image being developed — a narcissistic self-image characterized by arrogance, pride and boastfulness. In some cases, people in the manic phase of bipolar disorder may have an intensely inflated but false self-esteem.
§ Negative self-esteem. People with negative self-esteem believe that they are worth less than others. They put little value on their opinions and ideas and often feel ashamed of themselves.
§ Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies in the middle of the two extremes. It means having a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you may have a generally good opinion of yourself while recognizing that you do have some limits. With healthy self-esteem you are confident and think positively about your strengths, abilities, accomplishments and physical appearance. You like and respect yourself despite your faults but also don't overvalue your strengths. You recognize your basic worth as an individual yet don't think you're better or worse than others.
Common characteristics of low self-esteem
It's normal for people to go through times when they feel down about themselves. They lack confidence to do certain tasks and think negatively about their abilities, accomplishments or physical appearance. However, when you feel bad about yourself in many areas of life and these feelings become long-standing, then self-esteem can suffer — as well as can many areas of your life.
Low self-esteem can appear in the way you look, behave and interact with others. How do you know if you think too little of yourself? You may have some of these characteristics of low self-esteem:
§ Negative self-talk, such as, "I'm not worth other people's time, so I shouldn't ask for help," "I'm a failure," or "I'll never amount to anything."
§ Frequently apologizing, making self-doubting statements, or making cruel comments about yourself that you wouldn't make about someone else.
§ Focusing on perceived flaws and weaknesses.
§ Seeking constant reassurance from others and not feeling better even with positive feedback.
§ Refusing to accept compliments or denying positive comments you get.
§ Tending to be a perfectionist who's afraid of failure, which may impair work or school performance.
Benefits of healthy self-esteem
Healthy self-esteem can improve all aspects of life. When you value yourself, you're open to learning and feedback from others, which increases your ability to meet and solve challenges. You have confidence in your abilities and tend to do well at school or work. You feel secure and worthwhile and have generally positive relationships with others.
With healthy self-esteem you:
§ Are less prone to painful feelings such as hopelessness, loneliness, worthlessness, guilt and shame.
§ Are assertive, which helps you express your needs and opinions confidently.
§ Have more secure and honest relationships. You're less likely to have trouble relating to others, to be overly eager to please others at your expense, or to stay in unhealthy relationships.
§ Set realistic standards for yourself and others. This makes you less likely to criticize yourself and others, or to deliberately seek out flaws or weaknesses in yourself or others.
§ Weather stress and setbacks better. You're often more confident and resilient when facing unexpected challenges, disappointments or illnesses.
§ Are less likely to develop certain mental health conditions, such as eating disorders, addictions, depression and anxiety disorders.
Since self-esteem affects every facet of life, having a healthy, realistic view of yourself is important. You also deserve to like and respect yourself and to be happy with your life and who you are. And remember, doing so doesn't mean that you've gotten too big for your britches — it means you value yourself.
MORE ON THIS TOPIC
§ Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
§ Reduce stress with a strong social support network
§ Being assertive: Reduce stress and communicate better through assertiveness
§ Anger management: Explore your anger to gain control
§ Stress assessment
§ Depression self-assessment
RELATED
§ Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 steps
§ Positive thinking: Practice this stress management skill
§ Choose your response for greater stress relief
misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.
If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you're likely an optimist — someone who practices positive thinking.
MORE ON THIS TOPIC
§ Stress: Unhealthy response to the pressures of life
§ Emphysema
Positive thinking: Practice this stress management skill
Positive thinking helps with stress management and can even improve your health. Overcome negative self-talk by recognizing it and practicing with some examples provided.
Is your glass half-empty or half-full? How you answer this age-old question about positive thinking may reflect your outlook on life, your attitude toward yourself, and whether you're optimistic or pessimistic.
In fact, some studies show that these personality traits — optimism and pessimism — can affect how well you live and even how long you live.
With this in mind, take a refresher course in positive thinking. Learn how to put positive thinking into action. Positive thinking is a key part of an effective stress management strategy.
Understanding positive thinking and self-talk
Self-talk is the endless stream of thoughts that run through your head every day. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.
Living longer and happier through positive thinking
Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide include:
§ Decreased negative stress
§ Greater resistance to catching the common cold
§ A sense of well-being and improved health
§ Reduced risk of coronary artery disease
§ Easier breathing if you have certain lung diseases, such as emphysema
§ Improved coping ability for women with high-risk pregnancies
§ Better coping skills during hardships
It's unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. But one theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body.
How positive thinking gives way to negative thinking
But what if your self-talk is mainly negative? That doesn't mean you're doomed to an unhappy life. Negative self-talk just means that your own misperceptions, lack of information and distorted ideas have overpowered your capacity for logic and reason.
Some common forms of negative and irrational self-talk include:
§ Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive ones. For example, say you had a great day at work. You completed your tasks ahead of time and were complimented for doing a speedy and thorough job. But you forgot one minor step. That evening, you focus only on your oversight and forget about the compliments you received.
§ Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. For example, you hear that an evening out with friends is canceled and you assume that the change in plans is because no one wanted to be around you.
§ Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst. You refuse to go out with friends for fear that you'll make a fool of yourself. Or one change in your daily routine leads you to think the entire day will be a disaster.
§ Polarizing. You see things only as either good or bad, black or white. There is no middle ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or that you're a total failure.
You can learn positive thinking
Instead of giving in to these kinds of negative self-talk, weed out misconceptions and irrational thinking and then challenge them with rational, positive thoughts. When you do this, your self-talk will gradually become realistic and self-affirming — you engage in positive thinking.
You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it takes time and practice — you are creating a new habit, after all.
Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on them.
Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else.
Examples of typical negative self-talk and how you might apply a positive thinking twist include:
Negative self-talk
Positive spin
I've never done it before.
It's an opportunity to learn something new.
It's too complicated.
I'll tackle it from a different angle.
I don't have the resources.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
There's not enough time.
Let's re-evaluate some priorities.
There's no way it will work.
I can try to make it work.
It's too radical a change.
Let's take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me.
I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I'm not going to get any better at this.
I'll give it another try.
Practicing positive thinking every day
If you tend to have a negative outlook, don't expect to become an optimist overnight. But with practice, eventually your self-talk will automatically contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. You may also become less critical of the world around you.
Practicing positive self-talk will improve your outlook. When your state of mind is generally optimistic, you're able to handle everyday stress in a constructive way. That ability may contribute to the widely observed health benefits of positive thinking.
Self-assessments
Alcohol use self-assessment: Rate your drinking habits
Asthma control test
Depression self-assessment
Diabetes risk self-assessment
Flu symptoms self-assessment
Health screening guidelines
Mayo Clinic Healthy Weight Pyramid tool
Migraine self-assessment
Personal Health Scorecard
Prostate symptoms self-assessment
Stress assessment
WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?
The Home Office definition of a domestic violence incident is:
Any incident or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or are family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.
It is the one that the ManKind Initiative uses.The ManKind Initiative believes that domestic abuse and violence is a social and family problem. It is gender-neutral.
We do not support those who believe that only females can be victims of domestic abuse and violence. They are not telling the truth.
See Ley Barden's very revealing article on News and Events page
STATISTICS
British Crime Survey statistics show:-
One in six men will be victims of domestic abuse during their lifetime.Source - Walby, S. and Allen, J. (2004) Domestic Violence, sexual assault and stalking : Findings from the British Crime Survey. Home Office Research Study No. 276. London : Home Office
At least 40% of victims of domestic abuse are men (4.3% men and 5.6% women) - see below
Practically, the same number of men (1.7%) and women (1.8%) in a relationship were victims of ‘severe force’ – see below.
Men
Women
2004/05
2005/06
2006/07
2004/05
2005/06
2006/07
Partner Abuse (non sexual)
4.1%
4.0%
4.3%
5.6%
5.7%
5.6%
Partner Abuse (non sexual -severe force)
1.6%
1.3%
1.7%
1.8%
1.8%
1.8%
Source - 2006/07 British Crime Survey: Intimate Violence (page 80) – 31st Jan 2008 http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs08/hosb0308.pdf
• In the past six years, men are victims in 24% of domestic abuse incidents –
Source - 2006/07 British Crime Survey: General http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs07/hosb1107.pdf
FURTHER RESEARCH AND STATISTICS CAN BE FOUND AT http://www.dewar4research.org/downloads.htm
SUPPORT
There are over 470 refuges available to women but there are only six refuges with dedicated places for heterosexual men and only one for homosexual men. There are four small charities supporting men; all suffer with severe funding problems.
PROFILES
The profile of a male sufferer:
Age 42 : height 5’9’’ : weight 11 stone 9lbs : 35% professional, 38% skilled, 19% semi-skilled, 9% unskilled : 13% are registered disabled : 88% are white, 4% are black 4% asian, 1% mixed, 2% other.
The profile of the female abuser:
Age 40 : height 5’6’ : weight 10 stone 2lbs : 29% professional, 13% skilled, 19% semi-skilled, 39% unskilled : 6% are registered disabled : 81% are white, 7% are black, 6% asian, 3% mixed, 1% other, 1% chinese
THE RANGE OF ABUSE SUFFERED BY MEN
Our current survey shows that on average a male victim will suffer from domestic abuse in the following way :
Duration – average five and a half years with 72% suffering from it weekly or daily
Physical – 76% are punched : 59% are scratched : 75% are slapped : 59% are hit with sharp or blunt instruments : 57% are kicked : 25% are kicked in the groin : 27% are spat at : 10% are head butted : 16% have scalding water thrown over them.
Mental – 91% are shouted at : 91% are controlled : 93% are verbally denigrated:76% suffer from false allegations : 66% are threatened with a police callout : 72% suffer from sleep deprivation : 64% suffer from physical threats : 46% suffer from police callouts : 31% suffer from death threats : 14% suffer from ex-partie injunctions.
Sexual abuse – 53% are sexually denigrated : 10% are sexually abused.
Financial control – 53% suffer from their partner’s debt : 59% suffer from financial control by partner.
Use of children – 39% of mothers threaten to remove the children : 40% encourage the children to ignore or undermine him : 9% encourage the children to assault him.
Children – 78% of callers have children : 71% are aged under 12 : 48% witnessed the physical abuse : 59% witnessed the mental abuse : 64% heard the abuse : 16% were physically abused by the mother.
Accessing help
Police – 59% sought help : 28% arrested, 18% were asked to leave, 35% were offered no help, 19% help offered.
Social Services – 30% sought help : 40% sided with partner, 43% ignored the problem, 17% were helpful.
Housing – 27% sought help : 26% were helpful : 74% were unhelpful
THE PROBLEMS MALE VICTIMS FACE
When the issue of domestic abuse was highlighted in the 1970s by Erin Pizzey, and the first female refuge was opened, there has been a systemic campaign to help female victims.
However, instead of treating domestic abuse as a gender neutral social problem, male victims have been systematically ignored. If, at the start of the 21st century, the UK is truly to have equality and people are to be treated as individuals and their race and gender is irrelevant, then male victims can no longer be ignored.
The campaign for recognition for male victims is at the same stage that female victims were in the 1970s. The recognition and support systems for men are some 35 years behind.
The problems that male victims face are :-
Lack of recognition by the state
The state (in the guise of local authorities, Government, the police, the health service) do not actively help male victims. It is a form of instutionalised sexism and an example of political correctness in action. The Government know they are male victims (they produce the British Crime Survey statistics) but do not provide support for them, instead they turn a blind eye.
Examples of this are:-
(1) There are over 470 refuges available to women but there arew only six refuges with dedicated places for heterosexual men and only one for homosexual men. There are four small charities supporting men; all suffer with severe funding problems.(2) The government through the Supporting People Initiative budget offer c£60 million per year. In 2006/07, £60 million was allocated to local authorities through the Supporting People initiative to provide services for people suffering from domestic violence. However, this money is only for Women at Risk of Domestic Violence. This money is not available to help male victims. Local authorities have to fund any provision for male victims themselves and the majority therefore do not. It is understood that this funding, from 2008/09, will form a core part of the local authority grant so will no longer be a central pot held by Governement.(3) There is no pressure on local authorities to provide support. The government measures the ability of local authorities to provide refuges and sanctuary schemes for domestic violence victims (Performance Indicator BV 225 - definition of places (2) and sanctuary schemes (7)). Again, this is only for women and children. There is no measure for supporting male victims. The Audit Commission has been challenged over this but claims their hands are tied. They can only measure what they have been asked to measure. This measure in 2008/09 will disappear all together.(4) The lack of recognition for male victims throughout the state system means that local authorities, the police and others do not have specialists who are trained or educated to identify and support male victims. Training for those who specialise on helping victims of domestic violence should also include recognition and training to identify and support male victims. As shown by statistics, many men have found that when they approach the authorities they are not taken seriously.(5) Apart from in the Surrey Police/Hampshire police areas, if you go to a library, GP surgery, hospital etc, there are plenty of leaflets aimed at female victims. There are none for men.(6) Nearly all local authorities and domestic violence forums will regularly run campaigns including leaflets and adverts but these are all for female victims. Very few are interested in supporting men, though this is now changing. Lack of recognition by the media
Whilst there has been some movement in the media (some local radio stations and newspapers, Channel 5, The Independent, The Telegraph, GMTV and BBC Radio 5) have recently run stories about male victims, the default position of the media generally is that all victims are female and all perpetrators are male. If an announcement is made on domestic abuse, the default position is to show a picture of a man hitting a woman and text that talks solely about ‘wife-beating’
Men themselves
Many men feel embarrassed to admit they are a victim of domestic abuse especially as the females are known as the ‘weaker sex’ and tend to be smaller in both height and stature. Many calls that the helpline receives are from friends and family, wanting to get help for a male victims, who will not seek help himself.
This is not helped by the lack of support from the authorities. Often, a male victim will not be treated by the police as a victim but as the perpetrator.
Men are not alone and The Mankind Initiative can give information and support.
CASE STUDIES
Below are real examples of some of the calls that the help-line has received. All details and names of course remain anonymous.
Subject AWhilst Mr. A. was at home with his daughter and a friend, he was subjected to a frightening attack upon his property by his ex-wife ( she was pregnant at the time by her new partner ) who was angry that he had not placed their joint property on the market as soon as she had ordered him to.She shattered a window from the outside, using a cricket bat, and showering glass over his daughter who was sat by the window.Upon calling the police, two officers ( one male, the other female ) informed him that they were not prepared to take action because the female officer would not arrest a pregnant woman and the male officer felt that she was entitled to do whatever she wanted to do with her own property. They then fabricated a story that her friend had witnessed Mr. A smashing the glass himself.Enquiries by ManKind established that the friend knew what Mrs. A. was going to do and would not go along with her. Protests by ManKind at the police station were met by an indifferent sergeant who instructed us to keep out of it. We prepared an official complaint for our member, and only then did the officer take action, resulting in a caution for Mrs. A and a reprimand for the two officers in question.Subject BBoth Mr. B. and his two children suffered years of abuse from Mrs. B. He finally resorted to locking the children in a separate bedroom with himself every night and placing a wardrobe against the door.Despite repeated pleas for help from Social Services and the Police, he was informed that there was nothing available to assist men.Eventually, he was divorced and residence of the children was granted to his violent wife. His children still suffer and he is unable to stop it.Subject CMr. C. suffered emotional abuse from his wife up until his divorce. His children suffered emotional and physical abuse from Mrs. C. as well as witnessing a stream of daytime lovers whilst Mr. C. was at work.He requested help from Social Services, Health Visitors and the NSPCC and was offered none. The Health Visitor suggested that he desert the family home as she felt that Mrs. C. would then settle down. It came to a head when he removed her from the family home. Her parents would not take her in because of her behaviour and she ended up in a Women’s Refuge.During the divorce proceedings local neighbours signed affidavits in order to ensure that a violent mother did not gain residence of the children. These were ignored by the Court Welfare Officer and the Judge who acknowledged that she was a bad mother whilst Mr. C. was an exemplary father. However, he rewarded her bad behaviour by granting her residence of the children. Her violent behaviour still continues unchecked by the agencies who are supposed to protect them.Subject DMr. D. suffered years of physical and emotional abuse from his wife. Mrs. D. sexually abused his son and she was arrested when Mr. D. contacted the Police, Social Services and the NSPCC.Mrs. D. admitted the abuse during the case conference. Social Services changed the sexual abuse to “inappropriate handling” , which decriminalised the offence. Social Workers informed Mr. D. that they did not believe him because he was a man and that women do not abuse.Mr. D. appealed to the Ombudsman who would do nothing as the events were too long ago, which is strange when events of 20 years or so are investigated.They are now separated and Mrs. D. has custody of the boy who is totally dominated by his mother and only allowed to see Mr. D. as and when she decides. Mr.D. is now on constant medication.Subject E Mr. E. and his children suffered years of physical and emotional abuse from Mrs. E. Mr. E. was a housefather and was subjected to constant denigration by his abusive wife. She was a psychiatric nurse and had an excellent knowledge of the effects of mental and physical abuse. As well as being physically abusive, (she once threw a full-sized table across the room in her anger) she was domineering to the point that he would have to think carefully about anything that he said in case it angered her.Added to this was her ability to engineer arguments in order to provoke a verbal retaliation or better still a physical reaction when she had attacked him. Mrs. E. used these skills when she finally decided to remove him from the home and family.In order to achieve this she subjected him to months of false allegations resulting in Mr. E. being constantly arrested and on occasions being imprisoned whilst awaiting hearings. Mr. E. lived in constant fear of the next argument, followed by a late night call from the police.As in many of these cases, despite being the housefather, he was removed from the family home by the courts when they separated. Mrs. E. was able to play the DV card and use the full powers of the system in order to arrange his removal from home and children.Mr. E. has slowly come to terms with the outcome but has remained permanently scarred, mentally. He is still unable to venture far from home for long periods without being overcome with panic attacks. Meanwhile the records will show that his wife was the victim of domestic violence. In truth she is in need of psychiatric help for being the perpetrator of violence rather than the victim and Mr. E. requires compensation for the emotional injuries inflicted upon him by a blinkered system.
Subject FMr. F. has been subjected to years of manipulation by Mrs. F. in a way similar to the above case. She had decided that she wanted him out of her life. Mr. F. left her with the children and family home in order to maintain a peaceful existence for the children. This was insufficient for Mrs. F. She also wanted him out of the lives of the children and undertook a campaign of harassment against Mr. F. using the DV card.The pattern was the same - provocation into an argument followed by a false accusation. The Police have responded to her every call, resulting in caution after caution for Mr. F.ManKind advised Mr. F. to work through a third party when picking up the children and under no circumstances to phone or write to Mrs. F. He maintained this action for three months, yet Mrs. F. was able to have Mr. F. arrested on false claims of harassment. He was held for several hours; nothing could be proved because there was nothing to prove. A solicitor was able to convince the police of the error of their ways and he was promptly released.Subject GMr.G. was subjected to years of emotional abuse by his wife - possibly physical abuse. We will never know because he committed suicide.
What is Domestic Abuse?
Any incident or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or are family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.
What can I do if I am in a violent relationship?
Recognise that it is happening to you.
Accept that you are not to blame.
If possible, try and extricate yourself from the situation and leave as your personal safety is of paramount importance.
Do not retaliate physically or verbally, especially as you are more likely to be arrested.
Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses, if any.
Keep a photographic record of injuries.
Report each incident to your GP or hospital.
Report each incident to a trained domestic violence police officer – and insist on a crime reference number. Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person. Take a friend with you, if possible.
Take advice regarding injunctions from a reliable solicitor.
Seek help from a local council housing officer, especially if children are involved.
Ensure that you have your evidence.
The Mankind Initiative supports male victims of domestic violence, though they help all callers regardless of sex, race or sexual orientation. Call 01823 334244 (Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm & 7pm to 9pm) or checkout services at website www.mankind.org.uk. There's also a referral system for single men or men with children fleeing from domestic violence and needing a safe refuge.
Men's Aid provide support, practical information, advice on solicitors and local domestic abuse projects, to male sufferers of domestic violence. You can call their helpline 0871 223 9986 from 8am to 8pm 7 days a week or e mail to help@mensaid.com or check out their website at www.mensaid.com.
Record numbers of men are being hit by their stressed-out wives and girlfriends
'I went frantic, punching him'
By Sophie Goodchild, Chief ReporterSunday, 13 November 2005
For centuries, women have been stereotyped as the passive victims of violence and aggression. Yet experts are now warning that record numbers of men are being physically abused by their stressed- out wives and girlfriends.
New figures show that the number of calls to domestic violence helplines from male victims has more than doubled over the past five years. And now one of the world's leading feminist journals will investigate the issue of male abuse for the first time in its history: the Psychology of Women Quarterly will devote a whole edition to research on violent women and their behaviour towards men.
Until now, domestic violence has been seen by police and ministers as an issue which blights the lives of women rather than men. Their policies are based on Home Office figures, which show that one in four women suffer abuse in the home compared with one in six men.
Incidents such as the arrest earlier this month of Rebekah Wade, the editor of The Sun, after an alleged assault on her husband, EastEnders actor Ross Kemp, are generally treated as trivial and a source of amusement by social watchers. However, experts say that although attacks by men are more common and extreme, there is increasing evidence that women are lashing out and adopting behaviour traditionally associated with men.
This trend is fuelled partly by an increase in binge-drinking and drug- taking among women as well as the pressure of juggling motherhood and career success.
ManKind, an organisation which campaigns for equal rights for men, receives more than a thousand calls a year to its helpline from male victims of domestic violence as well as from doctors worried about patients they suspect are being abused by their girlfriends and wives.
The charity Snap, which runs a gender-neutral helpline, says it receives up to 25 calls a day from battered men. There are only four places in the country which offer shelter to male victims of domestic violence, which men's rights campaigners say is not enough.
"The ones who are the perpetrators are in the caring professions - social workers, nurses, carers," said Anne Harris, a spokeswoman for Snap.
Research to be published next year will also show that more men report being victims of domestic abuse - and fewer women - in countries where there is greater gender equality. Based on an analysis of UN data on gender equality, the study by the University of Central Lancashire will show that more women carry out attacks on their male partners in Western nations such as Britain and the US compared with countries such as Pakistan.
Professor John Archer, an expert on both male and female aggression, who carried out the study, attracted huge controversy with a report five years ago showing that women were likely to lash out more frequently than men during rows. He says that battered men are treated as figures of fun by society and that policymakers must treat domestic abuse against both men and women with equal seriousness.
"There is a strong cultural ethos drummed into men from an early age that it's wrong to retaliate but these attitudes are not drummed into women," said Mr Archer, Professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. "The Rebecca Wade case was treated as a joke which typifies the differences in attitudes. The male victim is seen as a subject of fun."
But Professor Sylvia Walby from Lancaster Uni versity, who has carried out extensive research on domestic violence, says that women are still overwhelmingly the victims and suffer far more than men.
"Women are far more vulnerable because they do not have the same financial security as men and they are the ones who suffer more severe and far more sustained attacks."
Dr Malcolm George, an expert on the brain and human behaviour, says there is evidence that "husband abuse" dates back to Elizabethan times. Historical records that he has unearthed show that men who were beaten by their wives were publicly humiliated in a special ceremony called a "skimmington procession", named after the ladle used to skim milk during cheese making.
"No one disputes the fact that there is a group of men in society that are highly violent," says the retired lecturer in neuroscience at London University.
"But it's nothing new for women to be violent and aggressive- it's just society considers it a travesty of femininity for women to be violent so they get stereotyped as passive victims."
Claire Stewart is one of a growing number of women who are seeking professional help to manage their anger.
The nursing student, 37, from Leicester says she has head-butted Graham, a builder, tried to strangle him and thrown furniture at him. Their relationship has always been confrontational and at one point they split up. Mrs Stewart believes her problems stem from not coming to terms with the death of her father.
"Having spoken to professionals, I think the anger goes back to my dad dying when I was 11," says the mother-of-four, whose name has been changed to protect her identity. "I was brought up to believe that if you cry it's a sign of weakness. I am booked in to start cognitive behaviour therapy. I think in the end we will get through.
When the couple got back together, she says that she felther life had fallen apart. "Our relationship had always been a bit up and down but I thought it would stop when we got married," she says.
"When he came back I felt like he was laughing at me. I completely lost it. I went frantic, punching him in the head and body. I head-butted him and tried to strangle him. I only stopped because my eldest daughter came in and shouted at me to stop."
Interesting? Click here to explore further
Thanks to Lindsay Jackel in Australia Sun, 10 Jan 1999
Below is a review of the UK Channel 4 the documentary program, Dispatches, on FEMALE on MALE DV, screened on Thursday 7 January 1999:
Source http://www.channel4.com/index.html and use http://www.channel4.com/njs/search_indexnj.html to search on the words "domestic violence" to find the following announcement:
Thursday 7 January 1999 UK TV Channel 4, 21:00 DISPATCHES
A six foot security guard is knocked unconscious... stabbed and beaten - by his girlfriend - who is under five foot. A weeping police officer describes how his wife tried to suffocate him with a pillow while he was sleeping. In a specially extended Dispatches reporter DEBORAH DAVIES reveals the extraordinary results of the largest ever survey of male victims of domestic violence. Dispatches talks to men about why they have suffered yet stayed and have no faith in the police, and to women who explain why they are violent to the partners they love.
The First Step Centre run a helpline for people experiencing domestic violence offering advice, information and counselling.
Lines are open 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday, 11am to 4.30pm on Saturday and 2pm to 5pm on Sunday. Freephone 0800 281 281.
Repeated at 1pm on Thursday 12 January 1999.
My note: Liverpool has a crisis line that will help both men and women involved in violent conflict. Call 0151-548-3333 —WHS -------------------------------
On 7 Jan 1999 in alt.mens-rightswrote:
For this documentary 100 male victims of domestic violence in the UK were surveyed.
Half of the men had suffered violence from their partners for over 5 years.
The reasons given for staying included one seldom heard from female victims; a policeman who was a DV victim said he felt he would be walking out on his children and most of the men agreed. Men have very little chance of getting custody of their children in Britain.
British police attend 3/4 million domestic violence cases every year. About 90% of the complainants are women.
Half the men surveyed never called the police. Those who did got no help from the authorities.
Violent women were "far more likely" to call the police because they know how the police react to domestic violence.
One man rang the police while being attacked by his girfriend. She tried to attack him again while the police were there. She admitted to the police that the man had never hit her. Yet the police told him to leave or be arrested. They still made him go when he pointed out that it was his house.
The policeman who had been attacked once attended an incident like that where his colleague arrested the man.
In a case where the woman covered the man in bitemarks the police still removed the man, this time because it was her house. The woman was interviewed on the documentary and said the police had told her that they should really be arresting her, but no explanation was given why they didn't arrest her.
In the cases where the police do think charges against the woman are warranted, the Crown Prosecution Service often overrules them and drops the charges.
Of the 100 battered men surveyed, only 5 abusive women were arrested and only 1 was charged. The charges against her were later dropped.
Only 1 in 5 men said their partners had a diagnosed mental health problem. The rest appeared normal to the men but the programme makers said that 1/3 suffered from depression - a factor not normally considered in domestic violence.
About 1/3 of the men said their partners had had miserable childhoods and some of the women interviewed said they expected violence as the natural end to a row.
1999 is the European Union year against violence towards women and Britain subscribes to this. There is nothing about violence towards men.
-------------------------------
Equality Impact Assessment of Tameside Domestic Violence Strategy 2005 - 08
Crime and Disorder Reduction Partnership Lead by Tameside MBC Community Safety Unit
Tameside MBC Directorate: Executive Support
February 2005
The Equality Impact Assessment (EIA) is part of the development of a new Domestic Violence strategy for the Borough. It is the framework for planning to tackle, monitor and evaluate Domestic Violence in Tameside. The Strategy will enable the Crime and Disorder Reduction Partnership to fulfil their responsibilities in supporting victims and ensuring those who are perpetrators are brought to account. The strategy will lead to a work plan and targets for the Tameside Domestic Violence Forum. Background
High Relevance for all areas It is accepted that Domestic Violence can affect anyone irrespective of gender, sexuality, age, class, religion or ethnicity. This is an important message to impart. Domestic Violence does not happen to a certain type of person. Just because someone does not look like a “typical victim” does not mean s/he is not suffering from domestic abuse Degree of Relevance
Activities to prevent Domestic Violence, support victims and deal with perpetrators need to be designed to meet the legitimate and particular considerations of gender, age, sexuality, disability and ethnicity. Gender The Domestic Violence strategy recognises that it affects men as well as women. There is a risk that victims are portrayed only as women. The activities proposed in the strategy will, wherever possible, cover both genders in terms of victims and perpetrators. The local refuge is only available to females. It has been recognised that there is a lack of services for males in Tameside. This is a concern the strategy aims to address. The Home Office Domestic Violence Unit has produced a paper on Domestic Violence and male victims. It makes a clear statement about gender and Domestic Violence, strongly advocating a non-gendered approach to the Scope of the Impact Assessment
ARTICLE SECTIONS
§ Definition
§ Symptoms
§ Causes
§ Risk factors
§ When to seek medical advice
§ Tests and diagnosis
§ Complications
§ Treatments and drugs
§ Prevention
§ Lifestyle and home remedies
§ Coping and support
§ Alternative medicine
Definition
From high to low. From mania to depression. From recklessness to listlessness. These are the extremes associated with bipolar disorder, a mental illness characterized by mood instability that can be serious and disabling. Bipolar disorder is also known as manic-depression or manic-depressive illness — manic behavior is one extreme of this disorder, and depression is the other.
The deep mood swings of bipolar disorder may last for weeks or months, causing great disturbances in the lives of those affected, and those of family and friends, too. Today, a growing volume of research suggests that bipolar disorder occurs across a spectrum of symptoms, and that many people aren't correctly diagnosed. Left untreated, bipolar disorder generally worsens, and the suicide rate is high among those with bipolar disorder. But with effective treatment, you can live an enjoyable and productive life despite bipolar disorder.
Bipolar disorder
ARTICLE SECTIONS
§ Definition
§ Symptoms
§ Causes
§ Risk factors
§ When to seek medical advice
§ Tests and diagnosis
§ Complications
§ Treatments and drugs
§ Prevention
§ Lifestyle and home remedies
§ Coping and support
§ Alternative medicine
Symptoms
Bipolar disorder symptoms are characterized by an alternating pattern of emotional highs (mania) and lows (depression). The intensity of signs and symptoms can vary from mild to severe. There may even be periods when your life doesn't seem affected at all.
Bipolar disorder symptoms reflect a range of moods.
Manic phase of bipolar disorderSigns and symptoms of the manic phase of bipolar disorder may include:
§ Euphoria
§ Extreme optimism
§ Inflated self-esteem
§ Poor judgment
§ Rapid speech
§ Racing thoughts
§ Aggressive behavior
§ Agitation
§ Increased physical activity
§ Risky behavior
§ Spending sprees
§ Increased drive to perform or achieve goals
§ Increased sexual drive
§ Decreased need for sleep
§ Tendency to be easily distracted
§ Inability to concentrate
§ Drug abuse
Depressive phase of bipolar disorderSigns and symptoms of the depressive phase of bipolar disorder may include:
§ Sadness
§ Hopelessness
§ Suicidal thoughts or behavior
§ Anxiety
§ Guilt
§ Sleep problems
§ Appetite problems
§ Fatigue
§ Loss of interest in daily activities
§ Problems concentrating
§ Irritability
§ Chronic pain without a known cause
Types of bipolar disorderBipolar disorder is divided into two main subtypes:
§ Bipolar I disorder. You've had at least one manic episode, with or without previous episodes of depression.
§ Bipolar II disorder. You've had at least one episode of depression and at least one hypomanic episode. A hypomanic episode is similar to a manic episode but much briefer, lasting only a few days, and not as severe. With hypomania, you may have an elevated mood, irritability and some changes in your functioning, but generally you can carry on with your normal daily routine and functioning, and you don't require hospitalization. In bipolar II disorder, the periods of depression are typically much longer than the periods of hypomania.
§ Cyclothymia. Cyclothymia is a mild form of bipolar disorder. Cyclothymia includes mood swings but the highs and lows are not as severe as those of full-blown bipolar disorder.
Other bipolar disorder symptomsIn addition, some people with bipolar disorder have rapid cycling bipolar disorder. This is the occurrence of four or more mood swings within 12 months. These moods shifts can occur rapidly, sometimes within just hours. In mixed state bipolar disorder, symptoms of both mania and depression occur at the same time.
Severe episodes of either mania or depression may result in psychosis, or a detachment from reality. Symptoms of psychosis may include hearing or seeing things that aren't there (hallucinations) and false but strongly held beliefs (delusions).
Causes
It's not known what causes bipolar disorder. But a variety of biochemical, genetic and environmental factors seem to be involved in causing and triggering bipolar episodes:
§ Biochemical. Some evidence from high-tech imaging studies indicates that people with bipolar disorder have physical changes in their brains. The significance of these changes is still uncertain but may eventually help pinpoint causes. The naturally occurring brain chemicals called neurotransmitters, which are tied to mood, also may play a role. Hormonal imbalances also are thought to be a culprit.
§ Genes. Some studies show that bipolar disorder is more common in people whose biological family members also have the condition. Researchers are trying to find genes that may be involved in causing bipolar disorder. Some studies also show links between bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, pointing to a shared genetic cause.
§ Environment. Environment also is thought to play a causal role in some way. Some studies of identical twins show that one twin has the condition while the other doesn't — which means genes alone aren't responsible for bipolar disorder. Environmental causes may include problems with self-esteem, significant loss or high stress.
Risk factors
It's estimated that about 1 percent of the population has bipolar disorder. However, some researchers suggest that bipolar disorder occurs on a continuum, and that many more people may have other forms of the disorder, pushing its prevalence as high as 6 percent of the population. In addition, some people may go undiagnosed because they don't seek treatment, because their condition is mistaken for depression or because their symptoms don't meet current diagnostic criteria.
Bipolar I disorder affects about the same number of men and women, but bipolar II, the rapid cycling form, is more common in women. In either case, bipolar disorder usually starts between ages 15 and 30.
Factors that may increase the risk of developing bipolar disorder include:
§ Having other biological family members with bipolar disorder
§ Periods of high stress
§ Drug abuse
§ Major life changes, such as the death of a loved one
When to seek medical advice
If you have any symptoms of bipolar disorder, seek medical help as soon as possible. Bipolar disorder doesn't get better on its own. Yet many people with the disorder don't get treatment or are reluctant to get treatment. Despite the mood extremes, people with bipolar disorder often don't recognize how greatly it affects their lives — and the lives of their loved ones. And if you're like some people with bipolar disorder, you may enjoy the feelings of euphoria and cycles of being more productive — but they're bound to be followed by emotional crashes that can leave you depressed, worn out, and perhaps in financial or legal trouble.
Getting treatment from a mental health provider with experience in bipolar disorder can help you learn ways to manage your symptoms. If you're reluctant to seek treatment, try to work up the courage to confide in someone, whether it's a friend or loved one, a health care professional, a faith leader or someone else you trust. They can help you take the first steps to successful treatment.
When you have suicidal thoughtsSuicidal thoughts and behavior are common among people with bipolar disorder. Tragically, the suicide rate is higher in bipolar disorder than most other mental illnesses. If you're considering suicide right now and have the means available, talk to someone now. The best choice is to call 911 or your local emergency services number. If you simply don't want to do that, for whatever reason, you have other choices for reaching out to someone:
§ Contact a family member or friend
§ Contact a doctor, mental health provider or other health care professional
§ Contact a minister, spiritual leader or someone in your faith community
§ Go to your local hospital emergency room
§ Call a crisis center or hot line
Helping a loved one with bipolar disorder symptomsIf you have a loved one you think may have symptoms of bipolar disorder, have an open and honest discussion about your concerns. You may not be able to force someone to seek professional help, but you can offer encouragement and support and help your loved one find a qualified doctor or mental health provider. If you have a loved one who has harmed himself or herself, or is seriously considering doing so, take them to the hospital or call for emergency help.
Self-esteem check: Too low, too high or just right?
Self-esteem is shaped by your relationships, your experiences and your thoughts. Healthy self-esteem promotes mental well-being, assertiveness, resilience and more.
Self-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about and value yourself. Self-esteem involves judging your worth as a person. People with healthy self-esteem feel good about themselves and see themselves as worthwhile. People with low self-esteem, on the other hand, put little value on their opinions and ideas and constantly think that they aren't "good enough."
Self-esteem has been the subject of social research and theory for decades. In recent years, there's been a concerted effort to boost the self-esteem of schoolchildren through special programs, with proponents believing it would lead to happier kids, better grades and less school bullying. Critics of these efforts contend that pumping up self-esteem, especially in people who may not need a boost, does little more than inflate egos and feed the "me generation" mentality.
That said, there are plenty of adults who truly feel down on themselves and have poor self-esteem. Learn why you may have developed a poor self-image, the difference between healthy self-esteem and narcissism, how you can tell if your self-esteem needs a boost, and the benefits of healthy self-esteem.
Factors that shape and influence self-esteem
Self-esteem starts forming early in life. Factors that can influence self-esteem include:
§ Your own thoughts and perceptions
§ Other people
§ School experiences
§ Sports experiences
§ Work experiences
§ Illness, disability or injury
§ Culture
§ Religion
§ Role and status in society
Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important adults — are especially powerful. Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages you've received from such people over time. If your close relationships are good and you receive generally positive feedback, you're more likely to see yourself as worthwhile. However, if you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased, ridiculed or devalued by others, you're more likely to think that you're not good enough and to struggle with poor self-esteem.
But your own thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem. Thoughts include "self-talk" — what you tell yourself — your perceptions of situations, and your beliefs about yourself, other people and events. For example, how you measure success and failure in life affects your sense of self-worth. A series of perceived successes can lead to feelings of positive self-worth and high self-esteem. A series of perceived failures can make you feel inferior and reduce your self-esteem.
A wide range of self-esteem
Self-worth ranges from very positive to very negative. Neither extreme is healthy.
§ Overly high self-esteem. People with unrealistically positive views of themselves feel they are better or worth more than others. They may become prideful and arrogant. They may become self-indulgent and believe they deserve special privileges or whatever they want. And they often regard themselves much more highly than do others. Critics of self-esteem-raising efforts have raised concerns that this is precisely the self-image being developed — a narcissistic self-image characterized by arrogance, pride and boastfulness. In some cases, people in the manic phase of bipolar disorder may have an intensely inflated but false self-esteem.
§ Negative self-esteem. People with negative self-esteem believe that they are worth less than others. They put little value on their opinions and ideas and often feel ashamed of themselves.
§ Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies in the middle of the two extremes. It means having a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you may have a generally good opinion of yourself while recognizing that you do have some limits. With healthy self-esteem you are confident and think positively about your strengths, abilities, accomplishments and physical appearance. You like and respect yourself despite your faults but also don't overvalue your strengths. You recognize your basic worth as an individual yet don't think you're better or worse than others.
Common characteristics of low self-esteem
It's normal for people to go through times when they feel down about themselves. They lack confidence to do certain tasks and think negatively about their abilities, accomplishments or physical appearance. However, when you feel bad about yourself in many areas of life and these feelings become long-standing, then self-esteem can suffer — as well as can many areas of your life.
Low self-esteem can appear in the way you look, behave and interact with others. How do you know if you think too little of yourself? You may have some of these characteristics of low self-esteem:
§ Negative self-talk, such as, "I'm not worth other people's time, so I shouldn't ask for help," "I'm a failure," or "I'll never amount to anything."
§ Frequently apologizing, making self-doubting statements, or making cruel comments about yourself that you wouldn't make about someone else.
§ Focusing on perceived flaws and weaknesses.
§ Seeking constant reassurance from others and not feeling better even with positive feedback.
§ Refusing to accept compliments or denying positive comments you get.
§ Tending to be a perfectionist who's afraid of failure, which may impair work or school performance.
Benefits of healthy self-esteem
Healthy self-esteem can improve all aspects of life. When you value yourself, you're open to learning and feedback from others, which increases your ability to meet and solve challenges. You have confidence in your abilities and tend to do well at school or work. You feel secure and worthwhile and have generally positive relationships with others.
With healthy self-esteem you:
§ Are less prone to painful feelings such as hopelessness, loneliness, worthlessness, guilt and shame.
§ Are assertive, which helps you express your needs and opinions confidently.
§ Have more secure and honest relationships. You're less likely to have trouble relating to others, to be overly eager to please others at your expense, or to stay in unhealthy relationships.
§ Set realistic standards for yourself and others. This makes you less likely to criticize yourself and others, or to deliberately seek out flaws or weaknesses in yourself or others.
§ Weather stress and setbacks better. You're often more confident and resilient when facing unexpected challenges, disappointments or illnesses.
§ Are less likely to develop certain mental health conditions, such as eating disorders, addictions, depression and anxiety disorders.
Since self-esteem affects every facet of life, having a healthy, realistic view of yourself is important. You also deserve to like and respect yourself and to be happy with your life and who you are. And remember, doing so doesn't mean that you've gotten too big for your britches — it means you value yourself.
§ Friendships: Enrich your life and improve your health
§ Reduce stress with a strong social support network
§ Being assertive: Reduce stress and communicate better through assertiveness
§ Anger management: Explore your anger to gain control
§ Stress assessment
§ Depression self-assessment
RELATED
§ Self-esteem: Boost your self-image with these 5 steps
§ Positive thinking: Practice this stress management skill
§ Choose your response for greater stress relief
misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.
If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you're likely an optimist — someone who practices positive thinking.
§ Stress: Unhealthy response to the pressures of life
§ Emphysema
Positive thinking: Practice this stress management skill
Positive thinking helps with stress management and can even improve your health. Overcome negative self-talk by recognizing it and practicing with some examples provided.
Is your glass half-empty or half-full? How you answer this age-old question about positive thinking may reflect your outlook on life, your attitude toward yourself, and whether you're optimistic or pessimistic.
In fact, some studies show that these personality traits — optimism and pessimism — can affect how well you live and even how long you live.
With this in mind, take a refresher course in positive thinking. Learn how to put positive thinking into action. Positive thinking is a key part of an effective stress management strategy.
Understanding positive thinking and self-talk
Self-talk is the endless stream of thoughts that run through your head every day. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.
Living longer and happier through positive thinking
Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide include:
§ Decreased negative stress
§ Greater resistance to catching the common cold
§ A sense of well-being and improved health
§ Reduced risk of coronary artery disease
§ Easier breathing if you have certain lung diseases, such as emphysema
§ Improved coping ability for women with high-risk pregnancies
§ Better coping skills during hardships
It's unclear why people who engage in positive thinking experience these health benefits. But one theory is that having a positive outlook enables you to cope better with stressful situations, which reduces the harmful health effects of stress on your body.
How positive thinking gives way to negative thinking
But what if your self-talk is mainly negative? That doesn't mean you're doomed to an unhappy life. Negative self-talk just means that your own misperceptions, lack of information and distorted ideas have overpowered your capacity for logic and reason.
Some common forms of negative and irrational self-talk include:
§ Filtering. You magnify the negative aspects of a situation and filter out all of the positive ones. For example, say you had a great day at work. You completed your tasks ahead of time and were complimented for doing a speedy and thorough job. But you forgot one minor step. That evening, you focus only on your oversight and forget about the compliments you received.
§ Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. For example, you hear that an evening out with friends is canceled and you assume that the change in plans is because no one wanted to be around you.
§ Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst. You refuse to go out with friends for fear that you'll make a fool of yourself. Or one change in your daily routine leads you to think the entire day will be a disaster.
§ Polarizing. You see things only as either good or bad, black or white. There is no middle ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or that you're a total failure.
You can learn positive thinking
Instead of giving in to these kinds of negative self-talk, weed out misconceptions and irrational thinking and then challenge them with rational, positive thoughts. When you do this, your self-talk will gradually become realistic and self-affirming — you engage in positive thinking.
You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it takes time and practice — you are creating a new habit, after all.
Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on them.
Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else.
Examples of typical negative self-talk and how you might apply a positive thinking twist include:
Negative self-talk
Positive spin
I've never done it before.
It's an opportunity to learn something new.
It's too complicated.
I'll tackle it from a different angle.
I don't have the resources.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
There's not enough time.
Let's re-evaluate some priorities.
There's no way it will work.
I can try to make it work.
It's too radical a change.
Let's take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me.
I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I'm not going to get any better at this.
I'll give it another try.
Practicing positive thinking every day
If you tend to have a negative outlook, don't expect to become an optimist overnight. But with practice, eventually your self-talk will automatically contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. You may also become less critical of the world around you.
Practicing positive self-talk will improve your outlook. When your state of mind is generally optimistic, you're able to handle everyday stress in a constructive way. That ability may contribute to the widely observed health benefits of positive thinking.
Self-assessments
Alcohol use self-assessment: Rate your drinking habits
Asthma control test
Depression self-assessment
Diabetes risk self-assessment
Flu symptoms self-assessment
Health screening guidelines
Mayo Clinic Healthy Weight Pyramid tool
Migraine self-assessment
Personal Health Scorecard
Prostate symptoms self-assessment
Stress assessment
WHAT IS DOMESTIC ABUSE?
The Home Office definition of a domestic violence incident is:
Any incident or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or are family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.
It is the one that the ManKind Initiative uses.The ManKind Initiative believes that domestic abuse and violence is a social and family problem. It is gender-neutral.
We do not support those who believe that only females can be victims of domestic abuse and violence. They are not telling the truth.
See Ley Barden's very revealing article on News and Events page
STATISTICS
British Crime Survey statistics show:-
One in six men will be victims of domestic abuse during their lifetime.Source - Walby, S. and Allen, J. (2004) Domestic Violence, sexual assault and stalking : Findings from the British Crime Survey. Home Office Research Study No. 276. London : Home Office
At least 40% of victims of domestic abuse are men (4.3% men and 5.6% women) - see below
Practically, the same number of men (1.7%) and women (1.8%) in a relationship were victims of ‘severe force’ – see below.
Men
Women
2004/05
2005/06
2006/07
2004/05
2005/06
2006/07
Partner Abuse (non sexual)
4.1%
4.0%
4.3%
5.6%
5.7%
5.6%
Partner Abuse (non sexual -severe force)
1.6%
1.3%
1.7%
1.8%
1.8%
1.8%
Source - 2006/07 British Crime Survey: Intimate Violence (page 80) – 31st Jan 2008 http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs08/hosb0308.pdf
• In the past six years, men are victims in 24% of domestic abuse incidents –
Source - 2006/07 British Crime Survey: General http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/pdfs07/hosb1107.pdf
FURTHER RESEARCH AND STATISTICS CAN BE FOUND AT http://www.dewar4research.org/downloads.htm
SUPPORT
There are over 470 refuges available to women but there are only six refuges with dedicated places for heterosexual men and only one for homosexual men. There are four small charities supporting men; all suffer with severe funding problems.
PROFILES
The profile of a male sufferer:
Age 42 : height 5’9’’ : weight 11 stone 9lbs : 35% professional, 38% skilled, 19% semi-skilled, 9% unskilled : 13% are registered disabled : 88% are white, 4% are black 4% asian, 1% mixed, 2% other.
The profile of the female abuser:
Age 40 : height 5’6’ : weight 10 stone 2lbs : 29% professional, 13% skilled, 19% semi-skilled, 39% unskilled : 6% are registered disabled : 81% are white, 7% are black, 6% asian, 3% mixed, 1% other, 1% chinese
THE RANGE OF ABUSE SUFFERED BY MEN
Our current survey shows that on average a male victim will suffer from domestic abuse in the following way :
Duration – average five and a half years with 72% suffering from it weekly or daily
Physical – 76% are punched : 59% are scratched : 75% are slapped : 59% are hit with sharp or blunt instruments : 57% are kicked : 25% are kicked in the groin : 27% are spat at : 10% are head butted : 16% have scalding water thrown over them.
Mental – 91% are shouted at : 91% are controlled : 93% are verbally denigrated:76% suffer from false allegations : 66% are threatened with a police callout : 72% suffer from sleep deprivation : 64% suffer from physical threats : 46% suffer from police callouts : 31% suffer from death threats : 14% suffer from ex-partie injunctions.
Sexual abuse – 53% are sexually denigrated : 10% are sexually abused.
Financial control – 53% suffer from their partner’s debt : 59% suffer from financial control by partner.
Use of children – 39% of mothers threaten to remove the children : 40% encourage the children to ignore or undermine him : 9% encourage the children to assault him.
Children – 78% of callers have children : 71% are aged under 12 : 48% witnessed the physical abuse : 59% witnessed the mental abuse : 64% heard the abuse : 16% were physically abused by the mother.
Accessing help
Police – 59% sought help : 28% arrested, 18% were asked to leave, 35% were offered no help, 19% help offered.
Social Services – 30% sought help : 40% sided with partner, 43% ignored the problem, 17% were helpful.
Housing – 27% sought help : 26% were helpful : 74% were unhelpful
THE PROBLEMS MALE VICTIMS FACE
When the issue of domestic abuse was highlighted in the 1970s by Erin Pizzey, and the first female refuge was opened, there has been a systemic campaign to help female victims.
However, instead of treating domestic abuse as a gender neutral social problem, male victims have been systematically ignored. If, at the start of the 21st century, the UK is truly to have equality and people are to be treated as individuals and their race and gender is irrelevant, then male victims can no longer be ignored.
The campaign for recognition for male victims is at the same stage that female victims were in the 1970s. The recognition and support systems for men are some 35 years behind.
The problems that male victims face are :-
Lack of recognition by the state
The state (in the guise of local authorities, Government, the police, the health service) do not actively help male victims. It is a form of instutionalised sexism and an example of political correctness in action. The Government know they are male victims (they produce the British Crime Survey statistics) but do not provide support for them, instead they turn a blind eye.
Examples of this are:-
(1) There are over 470 refuges available to women but there arew only six refuges with dedicated places for heterosexual men and only one for homosexual men. There are four small charities supporting men; all suffer with severe funding problems.(2) The government through the Supporting People Initiative budget offer c£60 million per year. In 2006/07, £60 million was allocated to local authorities through the Supporting People initiative to provide services for people suffering from domestic violence. However, this money is only for Women at Risk of Domestic Violence. This money is not available to help male victims. Local authorities have to fund any provision for male victims themselves and the majority therefore do not. It is understood that this funding, from 2008/09, will form a core part of the local authority grant so will no longer be a central pot held by Governement.(3) There is no pressure on local authorities to provide support. The government measures the ability of local authorities to provide refuges and sanctuary schemes for domestic violence victims (Performance Indicator BV 225 - definition of places (2) and sanctuary schemes (7)). Again, this is only for women and children. There is no measure for supporting male victims. The Audit Commission has been challenged over this but claims their hands are tied. They can only measure what they have been asked to measure. This measure in 2008/09 will disappear all together.(4) The lack of recognition for male victims throughout the state system means that local authorities, the police and others do not have specialists who are trained or educated to identify and support male victims. Training for those who specialise on helping victims of domestic violence should also include recognition and training to identify and support male victims. As shown by statistics, many men have found that when they approach the authorities they are not taken seriously.(5) Apart from in the Surrey Police/Hampshire police areas, if you go to a library, GP surgery, hospital etc, there are plenty of leaflets aimed at female victims. There are none for men.(6) Nearly all local authorities and domestic violence forums will regularly run campaigns including leaflets and adverts but these are all for female victims. Very few are interested in supporting men, though this is now changing. Lack of recognition by the media
Whilst there has been some movement in the media (some local radio stations and newspapers, Channel 5, The Independent, The Telegraph, GMTV and BBC Radio 5) have recently run stories about male victims, the default position of the media generally is that all victims are female and all perpetrators are male. If an announcement is made on domestic abuse, the default position is to show a picture of a man hitting a woman and text that talks solely about ‘wife-beating’
Men themselves
Many men feel embarrassed to admit they are a victim of domestic abuse especially as the females are known as the ‘weaker sex’ and tend to be smaller in both height and stature. Many calls that the helpline receives are from friends and family, wanting to get help for a male victims, who will not seek help himself.
This is not helped by the lack of support from the authorities. Often, a male victim will not be treated by the police as a victim but as the perpetrator.
Men are not alone and The Mankind Initiative can give information and support.
CASE STUDIES
Below are real examples of some of the calls that the help-line has received. All details and names of course remain anonymous.
Subject AWhilst Mr. A. was at home with his daughter and a friend, he was subjected to a frightening attack upon his property by his ex-wife ( she was pregnant at the time by her new partner ) who was angry that he had not placed their joint property on the market as soon as she had ordered him to.She shattered a window from the outside, using a cricket bat, and showering glass over his daughter who was sat by the window.Upon calling the police, two officers ( one male, the other female ) informed him that they were not prepared to take action because the female officer would not arrest a pregnant woman and the male officer felt that she was entitled to do whatever she wanted to do with her own property. They then fabricated a story that her friend had witnessed Mr. A smashing the glass himself.Enquiries by ManKind established that the friend knew what Mrs. A. was going to do and would not go along with her. Protests by ManKind at the police station were met by an indifferent sergeant who instructed us to keep out of it. We prepared an official complaint for our member, and only then did the officer take action, resulting in a caution for Mrs. A and a reprimand for the two officers in question.Subject BBoth Mr. B. and his two children suffered years of abuse from Mrs. B. He finally resorted to locking the children in a separate bedroom with himself every night and placing a wardrobe against the door.Despite repeated pleas for help from Social Services and the Police, he was informed that there was nothing available to assist men.Eventually, he was divorced and residence of the children was granted to his violent wife. His children still suffer and he is unable to stop it.Subject CMr. C. suffered emotional abuse from his wife up until his divorce. His children suffered emotional and physical abuse from Mrs. C. as well as witnessing a stream of daytime lovers whilst Mr. C. was at work.He requested help from Social Services, Health Visitors and the NSPCC and was offered none. The Health Visitor suggested that he desert the family home as she felt that Mrs. C. would then settle down. It came to a head when he removed her from the family home. Her parents would not take her in because of her behaviour and she ended up in a Women’s Refuge.During the divorce proceedings local neighbours signed affidavits in order to ensure that a violent mother did not gain residence of the children. These were ignored by the Court Welfare Officer and the Judge who acknowledged that she was a bad mother whilst Mr. C. was an exemplary father. However, he rewarded her bad behaviour by granting her residence of the children. Her violent behaviour still continues unchecked by the agencies who are supposed to protect them.Subject DMr. D. suffered years of physical and emotional abuse from his wife. Mrs. D. sexually abused his son and she was arrested when Mr. D. contacted the Police, Social Services and the NSPCC.Mrs. D. admitted the abuse during the case conference. Social Services changed the sexual abuse to “inappropriate handling” , which decriminalised the offence. Social Workers informed Mr. D. that they did not believe him because he was a man and that women do not abuse.Mr. D. appealed to the Ombudsman who would do nothing as the events were too long ago, which is strange when events of 20 years or so are investigated.They are now separated and Mrs. D. has custody of the boy who is totally dominated by his mother and only allowed to see Mr. D. as and when she decides. Mr.D. is now on constant medication.Subject E Mr. E. and his children suffered years of physical and emotional abuse from Mrs. E. Mr. E. was a housefather and was subjected to constant denigration by his abusive wife. She was a psychiatric nurse and had an excellent knowledge of the effects of mental and physical abuse. As well as being physically abusive, (she once threw a full-sized table across the room in her anger) she was domineering to the point that he would have to think carefully about anything that he said in case it angered her.Added to this was her ability to engineer arguments in order to provoke a verbal retaliation or better still a physical reaction when she had attacked him. Mrs. E. used these skills when she finally decided to remove him from the home and family.In order to achieve this she subjected him to months of false allegations resulting in Mr. E. being constantly arrested and on occasions being imprisoned whilst awaiting hearings. Mr. E. lived in constant fear of the next argument, followed by a late night call from the police.As in many of these cases, despite being the housefather, he was removed from the family home by the courts when they separated. Mrs. E. was able to play the DV card and use the full powers of the system in order to arrange his removal from home and children.Mr. E. has slowly come to terms with the outcome but has remained permanently scarred, mentally. He is still unable to venture far from home for long periods without being overcome with panic attacks. Meanwhile the records will show that his wife was the victim of domestic violence. In truth she is in need of psychiatric help for being the perpetrator of violence rather than the victim and Mr. E. requires compensation for the emotional injuries inflicted upon him by a blinkered system.
Subject FMr. F. has been subjected to years of manipulation by Mrs. F. in a way similar to the above case. She had decided that she wanted him out of her life. Mr. F. left her with the children and family home in order to maintain a peaceful existence for the children. This was insufficient for Mrs. F. She also wanted him out of the lives of the children and undertook a campaign of harassment against Mr. F. using the DV card.The pattern was the same - provocation into an argument followed by a false accusation. The Police have responded to her every call, resulting in caution after caution for Mr. F.ManKind advised Mr. F. to work through a third party when picking up the children and under no circumstances to phone or write to Mrs. F. He maintained this action for three months, yet Mrs. F. was able to have Mr. F. arrested on false claims of harassment. He was held for several hours; nothing could be proved because there was nothing to prove. A solicitor was able to convince the police of the error of their ways and he was promptly released.Subject GMr.G. was subjected to years of emotional abuse by his wife - possibly physical abuse. We will never know because he committed suicide.
What is Domestic Abuse?
Any incident or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or are family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.
What can I do if I am in a violent relationship?
Recognise that it is happening to you.
Accept that you are not to blame.
If possible, try and extricate yourself from the situation and leave as your personal safety is of paramount importance.
Do not retaliate physically or verbally, especially as you are more likely to be arrested.
Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses, if any.
Keep a photographic record of injuries.
Report each incident to your GP or hospital.
Report each incident to a trained domestic violence police officer – and insist on a crime reference number. Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person. Take a friend with you, if possible.
Take advice regarding injunctions from a reliable solicitor.
Seek help from a local council housing officer, especially if children are involved.
Ensure that you have your evidence.
The Mankind Initiative supports male victims of domestic violence, though they help all callers regardless of sex, race or sexual orientation. Call 01823 334244 (Monday to Friday 10am to 4pm & 7pm to 9pm) or checkout services at website www.mankind.org.uk. There's also a referral system for single men or men with children fleeing from domestic violence and needing a safe refuge.
Men's Aid provide support, practical information, advice on solicitors and local domestic abuse projects, to male sufferers of domestic violence. You can call their helpline 0871 223 9986 from 8am to 8pm 7 days a week or e mail to help@mensaid.com or check out their website at www.mensaid.com.
Record numbers of men are being hit by their stressed-out wives and girlfriends
'I went frantic, punching him'
By Sophie Goodchild, Chief ReporterSunday, 13 November 2005
For centuries, women have been stereotyped as the passive victims of violence and aggression. Yet experts are now warning that record numbers of men are being physically abused by their stressed- out wives and girlfriends.
New figures show that the number of calls to domestic violence helplines from male victims has more than doubled over the past five years. And now one of the world's leading feminist journals will investigate the issue of male abuse for the first time in its history: the Psychology of Women Quarterly will devote a whole edition to research on violent women and their behaviour towards men.
Until now, domestic violence has been seen by police and ministers as an issue which blights the lives of women rather than men. Their policies are based on Home Office figures, which show that one in four women suffer abuse in the home compared with one in six men.
Incidents such as the arrest earlier this month of Rebekah Wade, the editor of The Sun, after an alleged assault on her husband, EastEnders actor Ross Kemp, are generally treated as trivial and a source of amusement by social watchers. However, experts say that although attacks by men are more common and extreme, there is increasing evidence that women are lashing out and adopting behaviour traditionally associated with men.
This trend is fuelled partly by an increase in binge-drinking and drug- taking among women as well as the pressure of juggling motherhood and career success.
ManKind, an organisation which campaigns for equal rights for men, receives more than a thousand calls a year to its helpline from male victims of domestic violence as well as from doctors worried about patients they suspect are being abused by their girlfriends and wives.
The charity Snap, which runs a gender-neutral helpline, says it receives up to 25 calls a day from battered men. There are only four places in the country which offer shelter to male victims of domestic violence, which men's rights campaigners say is not enough.
"The ones who are the perpetrators are in the caring professions - social workers, nurses, carers," said Anne Harris, a spokeswoman for Snap.
Research to be published next year will also show that more men report being victims of domestic abuse - and fewer women - in countries where there is greater gender equality. Based on an analysis of UN data on gender equality, the study by the University of Central Lancashire will show that more women carry out attacks on their male partners in Western nations such as Britain and the US compared with countries such as Pakistan.
Professor John Archer, an expert on both male and female aggression, who carried out the study, attracted huge controversy with a report five years ago showing that women were likely to lash out more frequently than men during rows. He says that battered men are treated as figures of fun by society and that policymakers must treat domestic abuse against both men and women with equal seriousness.
"There is a strong cultural ethos drummed into men from an early age that it's wrong to retaliate but these attitudes are not drummed into women," said Mr Archer, Professor of psychology at the University of Central Lancashire. "The Rebecca Wade case was treated as a joke which typifies the differences in attitudes. The male victim is seen as a subject of fun."
But Professor Sylvia Walby from Lancaster Uni versity, who has carried out extensive research on domestic violence, says that women are still overwhelmingly the victims and suffer far more than men.
"Women are far more vulnerable because they do not have the same financial security as men and they are the ones who suffer more severe and far more sustained attacks."
Dr Malcolm George, an expert on the brain and human behaviour, says there is evidence that "husband abuse" dates back to Elizabethan times. Historical records that he has unearthed show that men who were beaten by their wives were publicly humiliated in a special ceremony called a "skimmington procession", named after the ladle used to skim milk during cheese making.
"No one disputes the fact that there is a group of men in society that are highly violent," says the retired lecturer in neuroscience at London University.
"But it's nothing new for women to be violent and aggressive- it's just society considers it a travesty of femininity for women to be violent so they get stereotyped as passive victims."
Claire Stewart is one of a growing number of women who are seeking professional help to manage their anger.
The nursing student, 37, from Leicester says she has head-butted Graham, a builder, tried to strangle him and thrown furniture at him. Their relationship has always been confrontational and at one point they split up. Mrs Stewart believes her problems stem from not coming to terms with the death of her father.
"Having spoken to professionals, I think the anger goes back to my dad dying when I was 11," says the mother-of-four, whose name has been changed to protect her identity. "I was brought up to believe that if you cry it's a sign of weakness. I am booked in to start cognitive behaviour therapy. I think in the end we will get through.
When the couple got back together, she says that she felther life had fallen apart. "Our relationship had always been a bit up and down but I thought it would stop when we got married," she says.
"When he came back I felt like he was laughing at me. I completely lost it. I went frantic, punching him in the head and body. I head-butted him and tried to strangle him. I only stopped because my eldest daughter came in and shouted at me to stop."
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Thanks to Lindsay Jackel in Australia Sun, 10 Jan 1999
Below is a review of the UK Channel 4 the documentary program, Dispatches, on FEMALE on MALE DV, screened on Thursday 7 January 1999:
Source http://www.channel4.com/index.html and use http://www.channel4.com/njs/search_indexnj.html to search on the words "domestic violence" to find the following announcement:
Thursday 7 January 1999 UK TV Channel 4, 21:00 DISPATCHES
A six foot security guard is knocked unconscious... stabbed and beaten - by his girlfriend - who is under five foot. A weeping police officer describes how his wife tried to suffocate him with a pillow while he was sleeping. In a specially extended Dispatches reporter DEBORAH DAVIES reveals the extraordinary results of the largest ever survey of male victims of domestic violence. Dispatches talks to men about why they have suffered yet stayed and have no faith in the police, and to women who explain why they are violent to the partners they love.
The First Step Centre run a helpline for people experiencing domestic violence offering advice, information and counselling.
Lines are open 9am to 8pm Monday to Friday, 11am to 4.30pm on Saturday and 2pm to 5pm on Sunday. Freephone 0800 281 281.
Repeated at 1pm on Thursday 12 January 1999.
My note: Liverpool has a crisis line that will help both men and women involved in violent conflict. Call 0151-548-3333 —WHS -------------------------------
On 7 Jan 1999 in alt.mens-rights
For this documentary 100 male victims of domestic violence in the UK were surveyed.
Half of the men had suffered violence from their partners for over 5 years.
The reasons given for staying included one seldom heard from female victims; a policeman who was a DV victim said he felt he would be walking out on his children and most of the men agreed. Men have very little chance of getting custody of their children in Britain.
British police attend 3/4 million domestic violence cases every year. About 90% of the complainants are women.
Half the men surveyed never called the police. Those who did got no help from the authorities.
Violent women were "far more likely" to call the police because they know how the police react to domestic violence.
One man rang the police while being attacked by his girfriend. She tried to attack him again while the police were there. She admitted to the police that the man had never hit her. Yet the police told him to leave or be arrested. They still made him go when he pointed out that it was his house.
The policeman who had been attacked once attended an incident like that where his colleague arrested the man.
In a case where the woman covered the man in bitemarks the police still removed the man, this time because it was her house. The woman was interviewed on the documentary and said the police had told her that they should really be arresting her, but no explanation was given why they didn't arrest her.
In the cases where the police do think charges against the woman are warranted, the Crown Prosecution Service often overrules them and drops the charges.
Of the 100 battered men surveyed, only 5 abusive women were arrested and only 1 was charged. The charges against her were later dropped.
Only 1 in 5 men said their partners had a diagnosed mental health problem. The rest appeared normal to the men but the programme makers said that 1/3 suffered from depression - a factor not normally considered in domestic violence.
About 1/3 of the men said their partners had had miserable childhoods and some of the women interviewed said they expected violence as the natural end to a row.
1999 is the European Union year against violence towards women and Britain subscribes to this. There is nothing about violence towards men.
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Equality Impact Assessment of Tameside Domestic Violence Strategy 2005 - 08
Crime and Disorder Reduction Partnership Lead by Tameside MBC Community Safety Unit
Tameside MBC Directorate: Executive Support
February 2005
The Equality Impact Assessment (EIA) is part of the development of a new Domestic Violence strategy for the Borough. It is the framework for planning to tackle, monitor and evaluate Domestic Violence in Tameside. The Strategy will enable the Crime and Disorder Reduction Partnership to fulfil their responsibilities in supporting victims and ensuring those who are perpetrators are brought to account. The strategy will lead to a work plan and targets for the Tameside Domestic Violence Forum. Background
High Relevance for all areas It is accepted that Domestic Violence can affect anyone irrespective of gender, sexuality, age, class, religion or ethnicity. This is an important message to impart. Domestic Violence does not happen to a certain type of person. Just because someone does not look like a “typical victim” does not mean s/he is not suffering from domestic abuse Degree of Relevance
Activities to prevent Domestic Violence, support victims and deal with perpetrators need to be designed to meet the legitimate and particular considerations of gender, age, sexuality, disability and ethnicity. Gender The Domestic Violence strategy recognises that it affects men as well as women. There is a risk that victims are portrayed only as women. The activities proposed in the strategy will, wherever possible, cover both genders in terms of victims and perpetrators. The local refuge is only available to females. It has been recognised that there is a lack of services for males in Tameside. This is a concern the strategy aims to address. The Home Office Domestic Violence Unit has produced a paper on Domestic Violence and male victims. It makes a clear statement about gender and Domestic Violence, strongly advocating a non-gendered approach to the Scope of the Impact Assessment
